Today is the last day of October - 31st October 2008 . First of all,

HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! !

Well, to be honest, i'm blogging now because i'm so damn bored and shag . I'm not doing my tutorials tonight, definitely not . How could i ? When people are all dressed up partying on Halloween at ZOUK . Okay, i'm jealous, i envy them, i wish i could do the same too . But it's just . . . i can't . I don't wanna upset him . If you were to ask me if this sacrifice is neccessary, truth be told, i have no idea . 

I wake up every morning, telling myself to focus, i can't do this, i can't do that . Am i literally forcing myself to comply with your words ? For i don't want to upset someone who cares so much for me . You meant good, i know it all, but i can't help but to compare things . I don't feel good when you talked about my friends . Yes, i have my past, my friends ain't good, but not all are bad . I have friends too, male friends . And right now whenever i wanna go out with my male friends, it's not my family that's the issue, you've become the biggest issue . I can go out with male friend, i can go out with male friendsss, i can go to whatever places i like with them and people can spread the worse rumours, but my heart will stick with you . Shouldn't you try to give some trust to me . . . I'm starting to feel cramped up, locked up, like there's a big heavy stone sitting on me and i can hardly move nor breathe . No lies, but this is the biggest fear i'm having be it before, now or future . That is the exact reason why . . . i was so reluctant to enter into a relationship . Then i met you, and i convinced myself to this chance i have with you . Don't prove me wrong about this chance i decided on, please .

Blasting my speakers again, full bass with 5 bars of volume enough to vibrate the entire table, but it seems like music doesn't cure me as much anymore . Changed from R&B to techno, it's been real long since i tuned in to techno . 

Okay, so today i had a three hours break, went to met up with PolyTalks EricSng, had lunch together, and i insisted to treat him lunch because he just had his 20th birthday two days ago and his family didn't do anything about it . So i hope this meal could make him happier . Nothing else happened, nothing that i could talked about anymore ? 

The feeling came back, the one i avoided and kept it hidden for almost two years . It came back . . .  

Today is the 29th October 2008 - Wednesday . Thinking back, if i were still back at where i was, i'd probably go clubbing tonight . Talks with Shirley girlfriend over clubbing session makes me so mad about it . It has been a looooooooong time since i last clubbed . Stayed back in school for tutorials with Shirley and Martin today and i thought i could finally be back to how i was in year 1 . But with one thing indifferent, my huge struggle over the urge to club these days . 

Ooooooh ! And look what Shirley girlfriend just sent me a message over MSN . 10th December it is ! Woots ! That's it . Okay, gotta work my way on school now . =) . We're gonna party ! 

Oh yeah, was checking my inbox and happen to receive a mail from Claire online blogshop . Went to take a look and i found this top piece real nice . Sent in my order already, hope there's still stock available for sale . It cost only S$18.50/- for registered post . New dress for clubbing !

Anyway, i've got tutorials left undone, gotta get going . Dear's coming over, poor him, 3 weeks PS course is only a start . Hang in there, dear dear . =/ . 

Alright, will update soon . Ciao . 

Today is the 28th October 2008 . Good news ! Ethan is coming back this Friday ! Yippee ! I miss Ethan so much . 

Deepavali yesterday, how did it went for you ? I had my period started . =.= . Cramped for the entire day, but i still went ahead to Joo Chiat for crabs with Dear, AJ and George . AJ've got a new girlfriend ! ! Well, to be honest, she's pretty and loves dogs like AJ . Forgot her name, but she's nice for sure . Had four big crabs ordered, two cheese, one pepper and one chilli . It was big and nice, total cost = $300 plus . Worth it i guess, nice food, nice people and nothing to be shy of, just chatting away . =) . 

So then i had cramps, bad cramps, before i crabs, during craps, after craps . Hurts like mad but i pulled it off with a smile, don't wanna dampen the mood for a lovely dinner . Went home, wash up and curled up in bed waiting for Dear's call to make sure he got home safely . I thought i might wanna finish my tutorials before i turn in, but cramps . . . i can't take it, been bearing with it for very long . Tutorials pushed back till this morning, work up at 7am to finished it . 

Just when i thought a night's sleep could bring away the cramps, i made a mistake, it came back as if it's back in operation . Went to school for two lectures and came home . Can't even concentrate during lectures . I just feel like cutting it off . Passed my tutorials to Shirley for my answers to be checked and crawled my way home . God knows when i can be relieved from cramps . First time happening to me and it feels sucky . 

Anyway, enough of cramps . Dear and me was online the other day and we were checking out banned commercials . I find this commercial very funny . Haha . Happy watching yeah . 

Alright, i'm gonna get my tutorials done . Will blog again soon .

Today is the 20th October 2008 . Alright, not that i have a choice, but IS lesson is just too bored for me . And if i don't start something else, i'll nod my head off in class .

It's a new week, a new day and it's a new Monday blues . New timetabe says i have a four hours break after a one hour lecture in school . Sucky timetable, but do we have a choice ? No . Not complaining, no whining, just find it sucky, that's all .

So i had my weekend over at Dear's place doing nothing most of the time - just sitting around in his room watching the television, playing PSP and enjoying each other's company . Okay, we're just trying to save up a little cash for future . Brought my tutorials over, thinking that i would try to get it done, ended up flipping a few pages of FF textbook and turning in soon after . Anyway, i got half of my tutorials done this morning . Came home during the four hours break but i was too slow to finish it . This means no going over to Dear's place tonight because there're too many things to bring . Well, often that's the case when i brought over bulky heavy junks then bring it back home but today is different, it's tutorials, no kidding, don't wanna mess around school stuffs .

And i was thinking about selling off my current new phone . Oh, and if you're reading this my dear, don't be angry please . Blame it all on me that i don't check out thoroughly on the phone, i find the current phone nice but not very usable . Hangs often, can't get the phone theme changed, reaction is slow and the camera is not good even though it's a 5 megapixels lenses . I have to say, Sony Ericsson has the best phone camera so far . So then i was checking out some Sony phone, i came across a phone i thought it's better - C905 . Did a little check, it's heavier by 36grams, 8.1 megapixels ( and i have trust it works better than my previous K810i ) and sure it could change themes . Till it comes out in stores, i'll wait for the price to drop and sell off my current phone at five hundred plus minus to get it . I look forward to that .

Right, time to start work . Would update soon . Ciao !

Today is the 18th October 2008 . Alright . . . knew i haven't been posting for too long so here i am doing some updates . As for Hong Kong trip and Singapore Hot Import Night, there're just too many pictures to be uploaded . The whole thing would take me more than two hours and slow down my web page, it takes up more than 1.5GB of my thumbdrive . Yeah . . . that much .

Anyway, school term starts again, means end of clubbing life, fun things and back to books and books and books . Not complaining, just whining about why i need to do all these when i'm not certain if i can excel anymore . But anyway, let me finish the diploma and then to decide about the future . =/ .

Dear went to the dentist and got his wisdom tooth out, so here i am over at his place in place of his part-time nurse . Haha, nah, not nurse, just doing what i'm suppose to do and what i wanna do as his girlfriend . Get well soon, my dear . =) .

New semester, new modules, new lecturers, i kept on telling myself . . . know my limits, know my limits, just get it over and done with . I really wonder if i can do it, i mean, there're just too many things tempting me to play or worse, stop studying . Clubs, alcohols, holidays, cars, getting high and so much so much more, it's hard to resist, even harder when i know how each of those tempting things let me have fun and that i've experienced it before and not yet tired of it .

I'm 18years old, and this partial freedom thing . . . is just the start of the fun, i wonder what happens when the full freedom comes at 21 . Stocks ? Investments ? If it's so then it will be real big stuffs . Whatever, better stop thinking about things far away, i don't wanna get old so fast, i just wanna stay at 18 years old, enough to club and drink, lead a life like a bed of roses that, is, all i swear . Well, i could say i'm not really tempted by cash, if i were, i wouldn't have Dear as my boyfriend, i've got guys with Merc coming up to me, but i thought, the more the money, the more the financial trouble you have . I mean not only financial troubles, other troubles, don't ask me what, because if you think it logically, many possible troubles would come to your mind .

Okay, so enough of money matters . My mind is so full of clubbing and trance music with alcohol . What should i do ? I can't seem to focus anymore, like ever .

I fell for the trap and now i can't move, not anywhere . Who'd be here to save me ?